I am in somewhat of a quandary. Should I continue to ask for more feedback, using the burgeoning network I have and am developing or consider this a staging post, collect my thoughts, re-edit and submit the BoW? I suspect both, until I have less of an itch about how well I think I have done in expressing what I feel about the narrative.
Fiona has provided me with her feedback – above in full – the assignment doesn’t say to comment on the feedback, I suspect that is implied. I imagine that the benefit of the commentary is roughly halved if I don’t engage with it. So here goes:
There are no vehicles as a distance learner for critique’s, so therefore no rules of engagement, no ‘house-practice’ in how work is discussed and received. And whilst I have known Fiona for a year or so, we haven’t worked together on anything like this and her first sentence makes it very clear how she has approached this work. This might be especially important in this case because, as she she says: “This is a very personal work and therefor by this very nature impossible to critic with out fear of a critic towards the artist himself. They are so intertwined.”
When we met at the “Uncertain States” exhibition recently I had some of the work with me – a short edit – so she had a very good sense of how the work, as a whole, might look. The Pdf that I sent re-presented the work which, as she states: “…something else happened that I am not sure you intended. I saw diptychs.”. So, another lesson learned, that despite me effort to acquaint Fiona with the physical representation of the work it (the work) became something else in the transition.
Again, when we met, Fiona had suggested that the title of the work didn’t work well for her; she said then “…. I like that less as I feel you are telling me something that you dont trust I will discover.” I’m still unsure about the title of the work, my thoughts are to keep it as is for the time being and rest on it. The title was talked about in Glasgow favourably so I have the inclination to keep it.
The text that Fiona thinks is a little verbose – with “childhood” in it three times is a direct quote from Boltanski, which I think accurate sums up what I feel, and reflecting on the various texts – which overall Fiona, and the artists in Glasgow agree are very strong (perhaps too strong?) – I’m wondering whether I should use my own words. My tutor’s advice was to be consistent with the texts when I made my last edit, so this might confirm her thoughts, but I am conflicted about using someone else’s words, despite agreeing with the sentiment.
Fiona’s last paragraph was very warming and expresses some of my hopes for the work very well and her advice is something I shall consider very carefully before presenting the BoW for assessment.
However something very important (to me) in Fiona’s text was this: “I personally don’t feel you are looking for him but for yourself.” Maybe that was obvious all along.